Through the Looking Glass

Months after driving myself to the brink of a burn out, I was forced to take four days off work because I got quite sick. It served as a reminder that it’s okay to work hard, but it’s not okay to forget to take care of myself.

So the past week, I decidedly shortened my office hours from the usual 12-14 hours to just 10 hours… which really isn’t too much of a cut, but I gained a few hours free to do whatever I want. The trouble is, with all that time on my hands, I didn’t quite know what to do! I wasn’t used to having so much free time in the evening before I sleep, and I certainly did not want to spend those hours amidst a traffic jam!

The good thing was, a reunion of sorts (of my classmates in college) was hastily organised for August 27, Monday… because it’s a holiday. But despite being a non-working holiday (I think), the microbiologists had to come in from work. I, on the other hand, the perennial crammer, had to be at the lab before the reunion because I was (and still am) writing bits and pieces of my thesis and a paper that is due for submission in the next few weeks.

I thought that there would only be a few people. But around 15 classmates showed up! Just like during the Feb Fair, we met up at McDonald’s at the Vega Centre. The newly-licensed doctors wanted to look around the campus, but the others wanted to stay behind and exchange stories. I went with the docs so I could get a glimpse of the campus again in daylight… I always end up leaving in the middle of the night, so there isn’t so much to see. The walk was good even though it was raining. 

Dinner was at Joe’s, an Italian restaurant inside the Umali Subdivision. The manzo e pepperoni was fantastic! Then, while some had to go back home, the rest of the crowd went to LB square.

I particularly enjoyed that day because it was one of those few times that I could go out and touch base with people I was in college with. And with an almost non-existent social life (someone should have warned me that the path leading to a PhD is quite a desolate road!), I thought it was time to take a few hours off and be with friends.

It was amazing that five years after graduation from UPLB, we all grew up! Everyone had been dealt with quite a few blows in Life that we all looked back in retrospect (thanks to Au) - reality bites, and we had to live with it.

After all that relaxation and recovering, it’s now time for me again to return to the hectic pace at work. I feel like I jumped onboard a moving bus!

my trip to up diliman this week was a like retracing steps i have made before long ago. when we were kids, my siblings and i had a "guided tour" from the family’s resident up diliman alumni: my dad. but this tour was unlike the conventional walking tours participated in by incoming freshment during orientation week. my dad’s tour was more personalised. he showed us were he got stuck during a particularly strong typhoon, where our eldest cousin (a nursing graduate) and her brother (a geology graduate) went to class, where the library was, where he hung out for lunch… basically, we had a pretty good picture of what college was like for him.

a few years later, i was once again walking up the stairs of juinio hall (where the college of engineering is located). at the right side of the hall, there were several plates listing the "500" alumni of the college - whatever that meant. my dad’s name wasn’t in the list. apparently, he didn’t join the "500" alumni group.

i also passed the biology wing of palma hall (was it?). if i ended up taking biology in diliman, i would have called that building "home." but i took up biology in los banos, so i didn’t.

my interest was piqued when i saw an "ikot" jeep, which i understand goes around campus; and a "toki" jeep, which goes around in another direction. but since the campus is huge, i easily got disoriented, and just relied on the sign boards hanging in the jeeps.

on this trip to up diliman, i felt as disoriented as a new freshman or as an upcat applicant searching for the right building. and there was no road map to guide me on campus (unlike in usyd where maps were everywhere). but i had fun, nevertheless.

A few months back, I can’t wait to be able to get past the INQR workshop. All I wanted to do was to get through it. Weeks into the preparation, I was working over weekends… working long hours in the lab… skipping dinner with friends (or at least having hurried lunches/dinners with them — so SORRY!)… everyday felt like I was flying in a whirlwind and everything passed in a blur.

Now that the workshop is done and over with, I feel like the storm has ended and the debris that have been shot up in the sky are now falling back to Earth one by one. Ah, everything is going back to its normal pace.

But that’s only until the next deadline or the next big activity comes along. For everyone in the lab, that’s the Rice Camp starting Wednesday. For me, the next deadline is on Friday. So, after a short rest, it’s like being blown again into the wind, never knowing where I’d land.

And do I look forward to it!

Being in front of an audience has always been one of the situations I tried so hard to avoid. I dreaded going on-stage because I was so scared of facing so many people.

I have always felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach each time I go up to face the audience. It’s probably normal. Even the most experienced public speaker must have some nervousness left in him/her.

This week, I had to, yet again, keep myself from getting into a nervous breakdown. My oral presentation was finalised the evening before I was going up the stage! I forgot to plan what to wear during my talk.

On the day itself, my hands were so clammy I was regretting not bringing a pair of mittens. My feet were getting cold that I regretted wearing leather shoes with thin socks. My stomach was tied up in knots I couldn’t eat properly since the evening before.

The presentation went without a hitch, which was a good thing. I received comments about my talk, which was about a new way of approaching old problems. My supervisors were pleased with my performance. But the icing on the cake was that I was able to bring across the importance of the study to the barely-English speaking crowd. The Latinos and the Kazakh all understood the talk, saying that they could probably apply it to their work.

My officemates thought I had an easy time on stage. But when they shook hands with me after my talk, they were surprised to find that my hands were so cold! And they thought my presentation was just a walk in the park!

I wouldn’t be able to mask the lack of confidence on stage without the help of the IRRI Toastmasters Club, which trains people in the art of public speaking. And I am also thankful to my supervisor for all her guidance and her perfectionism… because without her comments and suggestions for my slides and her insistence that I practised my talk in front of an audience, my presentation would just be lackluster.

The speakers from my lab prepared for their talks at least three weeks before the workshop. All that preparation for our 15 minutes in the spotlight has paid off because we all did well.

I have always loved to be able to converse in a third language, may it be Spanish (undubbed telenovelas), Mandarin (the new business language), or Italian (yummy food).

On my trips out at the uni, I stayed at a French couple’s terrace house. And I did not understand a word in French, apart from the words they used for food (croissants, cafe au lait, une limonade) and for their greetings (s’il vous plait, bonjour, au revoir). So when they had guests (which was very often) from Belgium or Switzerland, I would literally lose myself in translation. Plus, I got to know more French students in the same laboratory… so more bonjours again.

And I always am amazed at how smoothly my academic supervisor can talk with me in English, answer the phone in Italian, leave a message in German, and talk in French to a BSc Hons student… all in the span of five minutes!

These experiences have been the reasons why I bought a Lonely Planet language book (which covers most of Europe’s major languages) so I could study the language by myself. Plus, I bought a book on learning Spanish.

That was a luck move, because this week, I got to meet numerous people from South America, where Spanish is the official language. Despite all the preparations I had, my Spanish vocabulary was still in a horrible state, but they didn’t seem to mind.

It all started at the workshop of the International Network for Quality Rice (INQR). I approached Mr. Cuba because I heard him speaking in Spanish and I wanted to practice all the Spanish words from all that exposure to books, CDs, and telenovelas.

Early today, as I was walking into the lecture hall, he was greeting me in rapid fire Spanish. When I blankly stared at him, hablo espanol muy pocito, he told me to go to practice so that when I go to Havana, I could talk with them fluently.

Then there’s Ms. Uruguay and Ms. Colombia who called me Paula the whole time! Mi llamo Rochie.

During the field tour, they could not understand some of the English words of the guide. So I had to dig deep through the mishmash of Spanish words I know. No rattas, no aves. Agua embotellada? Fotografia. Ritratto de quadrado.

Hence, I have now decided that I would learn how to speak in Spanish.

Ah, yes, the vacation is finally over. If the long weekend can actually be called a vacation. It WAS indeed a break from the daily grind - going to and from the laboratory. However, the weekend was far from stress-free.

So many city dwellers have clogged the national highway going to hundreds of pools and private resorts in the Pansol area and the beach resorts dotting the coastline of Cavite and Batangas. And it was easy to pick them out too. They were the ones who brought road rage with them to the province… the drivers who thought they owned the road (and basically caused most of the accidents, in my opinion)… and those who showed no concern for the environment by throwing their trash outside their car windows (as if they’re still in Manila).

But now, the tourists are all back in the city and the probinsyanos have the roads all to themselves again. Indeed, the long weekend has ended and everyone is grudgingly going back to the daily grind - going to and from work.

This year’s Good Friday was unique because it’s the first time I went to the beach instead of participating in the annual processions in Sta. Cruz or watching the different rituals in other places like Marinduque or Banaue.

No, I wasn’t on the beach for a little rest and recreation. I drove all the way to Nasugbu, Batangas to assist foreign post-docs, grad students, and their families in THEIR vacation. The group decided that their short trip would be held on the long weekend of Lent.

I thought it’s such a waste to go to the beach alone, so I took along my cousin and her daughter so they could also see the beach.

My superstitious mom had some violent reactions with going to the beach on Good Friday. According to her, it’s a particularly bad day to go swimming. I, on the other hand, didn’t see it that way. For me, it’s a time for self-reflection and renewal of faith, not the perfect holiday excuse to go to a resort.

But being non-members of the Christian denomination, it’s not such a big deal to the participants (many of them were Muslims and Hindus). To them, it’s a long weekend and a perfect time to spend away from Los Banos. This wasn’t surprising because they don’t oberve Lent at all.

When I got to the beach, I was shocked to find so many people swimming, sun-bathing, and frolicking on the sand. And these were not foreigners. These were Filipinos!

Seven years ago, I spent Good Friday up the mountains of Banaue with family. I had the privilege of discussing Lent traditions with a mumbaki in his house and visit the well-preserved remains of his father. But in that year, there were hardly any Pinoy tourists up there. Most of the people I saw were foreigners (and their beer-chugging during mealtimes was a big issue to me, being the season of restraint and all).

I guess the Lenten scene has indeed changed. Enough for a priest in Mindoro to comment sadly about Pinoys no longer understanding or observing the meaning of Lent while favouring the more worldly partying activities accompanying any beach vacation.

And this little beach trip I did on Good Friday? I think it’s an eye-opener for me about the changing landscape. I may not have queued in the procession or fasted (but I did refrain from eating meat), but the day trip has given me a chance to reflect on how the Pinoy Lenten tradition is being changed in today’s modern landscape.

Once again, I was amazed by the birds of prey that call the Centre for Philippine Raptors their home. On March 31, I was counting on my lucky stars to at least get a glimpse of the mighty Philippine eagle.

In the centre, a guide was explaining how the different raptors are being released into the wild. My eyes were suddenly drawn to a violent flapping of wings behind the guide. It was a serpent eagle, and I thought it had escaped from its cage. The guide said that the centre has released the bird into the wild, but it would always go back there… perhaps as if it had a homing beacon atop of its head making it go back.

Then there was a pair of eagles, one’s a white-bellied sea eagle. I forgot what the other one was… but it had fluffier feathers. According to the guide, it’s not found in the Philippines. Instead, it thrives in temperate regions. These two birds caught my eye because both were sitting in the middle of a pond, untied, and without a cage! It turned out that these two were too injured to even cross the pond. They have to rely on their caretakers for food and water. Hence, they need not be restrained.

Sitting quietly on a perch right by the caretakers’ office was another raptor. If the guard did not tell me that it was there, I would never have noticed it… and it could have pecked the wits out of me in fright! Apparently, the bird was being trained for a flight show and was getting ready.

Finally, I noticed a feather held by our friendly guide. I was about to ask him if I could have it when he identified it as a juvenile Philippine eagle’s feather. I looked around and found no Philippine eagles flapping about… they were in a cage away from public viewing. To be caught with a feather like that in one’s possession is just like signing a death wish because anyone caught with a feather would be fined a whopping P5,000,000! I stopped in my tracks and bit my tongue. Now I now what that amount of money looked like.

I guess my lucky stars did allow me to see a glimpse of the elusive Philippine eagle… not the whole animal though.

Live to fight another day then.

In the days coming up to March 21, I acted as a critique and as a guide for the PUP students while they were preparing for their presentations. We discussed, one-on-one at times and as a group in others, their results and how we could correlate the information they generated. I asked the starting questions, merely as a facilitator. And it was amazing to see all six of them discuss, debate and rationalise. I rarely talked!

I watched them practise their presentations; seeing them all nervous reminded me of my own undergraduate defence back at the BioSci building in March 2002. The last four hours before the presentation were torture: I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t talk; I couldn’t stay still. I was running up and down the stairs the last hour before the first presentation began.

And seeing them all show confidence in what they had to say during the defence made me proud of them.

But now, the tables have turned. It was my turn to rush, to cram, to panic, and to get all nervous as the clock happily ticks away the minutes to my presentation. Most of my data are vastly raw at the moment since the instrument got re-commissioned roughly only four weeks ago. I just prepared my slides this week and Melissa and I discussed my talk only on Wednesday; in contrast, Fe and Tita Dory have been discussing the flow of their talks and rehearsing their lines with Melissa since last week.

And finally, my first dry run happened earlier today during journal club hour. My talk has a glaring NEEDS IMPROVEMENT sign over it. Because of this, I feel honoured that my supervisor is doing the critique because she is one big perfectionist. This assures me that come presentation day, my talk will be great and I will be a convincing speaker on my topic.

But before I get to that stage, I still have a lot of growing pains to go through and a lot more rice to eat. Who says I won’t go through what the undergrads went through?!

In one of my last years of grade school, there’s a script for a play in the Young America textbook entitled A Hunk of Hardware. It’s about how goals (like winning an award, or getting recognition) are worthless unless the person worked really hard to reach them. Medals and trophies are just collectors’ items without that uphill climb to reach the top.

Each achievement comes with a price. The BSc students who worked on their thesis at the GQNPC lab knows this quite well. As if performing experiments in a far-off facility (and being away from family and friends) wasn’t hard enough, they were assigned to postgraduate students who kept on pushing them relentlessly to do better. I was witness to how they almost reached the breaking point and they were so close to the finish line at that.

The six undergrads toiled through a summer and two semesters to come up with two meaningful research works. And at the end of the year, I am proud to say that they have achieved their goal. All six students have given their topics their best shots. Both teams have been groomed to at least have a fighting chance at the Best Thesis competition this year. With the award tucked under their belts, they would have a chance to represent their school (amd make their alma mater proud) at the annual chemistry congress; this was the ultimate goal.

And might I add, they have prepared and presented the best thesis defences among the lot I sat in on March 21. Hmmph!

Everyone felt robbed to find out that they won’t even be given a chance to compete for the award just because the topics presented were all about rice (again!). It is blatantly obvious that the panelists did not understand that both groups were offering pieces of information that have never been found before. Both teams have created new paths in the never-ending road of discovery. And yet, these achievements went largely unrecognised by the school.

Despite being disqualified from the competition, they were still invited to present their work at the congress. I think this is doubly unfair. One, it is unfair for the students because their presence in the congress is just going to be a consolation prize… consuelo de bobo. Two, it is also unfair to the recipients of the Best Thesis award because that group would have gone through the actual competition to reach the congress.

No matter, even though this non-recognition is a huge setback on their part, it nonetheless pales in comparison to being acknowledged as co-authors of a presentation to be shown to an international audience. And their names will be printed side by side with some famous names in the rice chemistry field.

I asked one of the students if he would still be interested to attend the congress. He said he has lost interest upon hearing that being there would just be a consolation prize.

That goal, upon which he only had eyes for, has now become another hunk of hardware.

Once again, my congratulations go out to Arvin, Clara, Virrey, Gerald, Jay, and Jenny for a job well done. It’s been an honour working with all of you.